Looking Back and Forward: Goals

This is the fifth part in a series explaining my thoughts about MVOL and what I plan to do from here. If you haven’t already, please read the introduction first!

To be honest, this section has been the most difficult for me out of this whole process. I’ve rewritten it in part or in whole something like six times now, partly because I’m uncomfortable with some of the things I have to say about myself, and partly because I only came to realize what I was really trying to say more recently. …And partly to try and be a little less long-winded.

Being a Game Developer

Making a career out of designing my own game has been amazing, and I deeply appreciate that you all have supported me to make this a reality. That said, it’s only now that things are finally changing up that I’ve come to realize just what an effect it’s had on me. I’ve grown comfortable with the cycle of producing endless content, primarily in text, for this one game– even though it’s been grating at me to be so focused on one thing to the point of repetition by this point.

What I’ve come to realize is that the most important part of this job, to me, is that I can find satisfaction in my work. I choose things that I can get passionate about, I pour all of my creativity and problem-solving and critical thought into making them the best they can possibly be, and I share the product of that with the world as something that I feel I can be proud of. In our modern age of specialization and long production lines, that’s a very special thing, to be able to realize something from vision to execution with control over every detail. I think this cycle has been critical to making this “work” all the way from when I started MVOL as a hobby. Now, the concept I envisioned so many years ago is nearing completion, and it is both an immensely proud moment for me, and a scary one. Because… what will I do after the work is done?

Of course, the work is never truly done. Even when MVOL is truly complete and fine-tuned, I still have so many more ideas I’m excited to try out, but… something felt off. Part of it was that I was worried about how my supporter base would react to the transition. Things have already been a little tight for me financially, so it’s hard not to get distracted by the possibility that doing anything but “more of the same” could have some serious effects on my making a living of this. That’s frustrating to me, because I don’t want this to be “about” the money, and I try to keep that out of my head and focus on just doing the right thing.

But the greater part of my anxiety here, I think, has been the realization: I’ve spent the greater part of a decade building MVOL. I follow through on my goals once I choose them, but that makes this a critical moment in my career. Do I want to commit to starting another big game, knowing that it may mean another eight years of development? That’s an intimidating thought. I know I’ve enjoyed making this game, but I worry about if I’ll be able to maintain the drive and focus through the whole thing, or if I should consider doing something different with my life. I wouldn’t want to disappoint all of you, but if I wanted to change careers, this would be the time to do it. So I’ve thought about it a lot whether I can keep this up for years more, and I think that the answer is effectively… “Yes, If.”

Motivation and Focus

Yes, I think that I can keep going. Yes, I think that I can still make better things than I’ve made before, I can keep improving and creating things to satisfy my own harsh standards. I can keep writing about sex and emotions and the difficulty of understanding ourselves. But… only if I can keep moving forward and exploring new things that I can truly engage with.

I can’t make a My Very Own Lith 2. MVOL has met all of its goals, Lith’s story is complete, and I’m honestly a little tired of writing solely about him at this point. I may write a few side bits with him, a few stories here and there down the road, but for now, I’m very ready to explore new characters and new concepts.

I feel like under the right circumstances, I can make some great stuff. I have a few skills that are notable, as well as a fair number of weaknesses and shortcomings. So if I plan in such a way that I can take full advantage of one while minimizing the effect of the other, I hope I can produce some extraordinary stuff– I just won’t always be able to make everyone happy.

Making a Difference

I’ve touched on some of the things that get me invested in the work in previous posts, but the greatest driving force behind them is my desire to make a better game. Everyone loves the idea of working with games or movies or whatever fun thing they enjoy the most, but it’s a little more than that, to me. I love stories, and I love games, but I never just watch or read or play– I tear them apart, trying to understand them. Something in how my brain is wired. And niggling questions and frustrations here and there have gradually built into a long list of ideas I feel desperately need to be explored and expanded upon in video games.

This is especially true with adult games. They’re often expected to be low quality, or just generic games with some sexy pictures thrown in, and while those can still be good games, the gap here feels even wider. Games can do most things a book or a movie can, but they do immersion the best hands down– which is probably the single most important aspect to an erotic piece. Making you feel like you’re in there, doing it.

I believe I can introduce a lot of new ideas for improving what an adult game can be. I want to do my part to improve the world of games, and maybe even offer a little inspiration to other creators that come after me. And it’s that hunger to fully realize these ideas and put them out there in the world that reliably drives me to keep going. I feel I accomplished a fair bit of it in MVOL, but I want to go so much further.

This is the last piece of the puzzle in what shapes my plans and motivation for game design from here on, and in why I’m proposing these crazy ideas to you. I do my best work when I’m challenging myself with new ideas, and I’m most excited to get the job done when I can choose goals that interest me and that I believe will help improve the medium. I want to not just make a game, but push out our boundaries of what a game can and should be, in terms of an adult game and maybe even games in general.

There are a lot of ways to go about this, and I’m still thinking about how best to compromise between this and all the other things I should take into account before committing to a larger project, but this fact will form one of the main pillars on which I must build the foundation of what comes next. I hope that you are just as excited as I am to bring more games into this world that aren’t satisfied with being “just games”– that want to be something special!

Thank you for taking the time to try and understand why I do all of this. I’m going to try and wrap up all my thoughts and worries and hopes in a relatively short summary and conclusion for my next post, which will also come with a poll (or polls, so supporters can be heard in particular) so I can ask all of you for your thoughts on what size and kinds of projects I should get started on from here. Once I have a better idea of how everyone stands on it, I’m finally going to start nailing down what project(s) come after MVOL, developing, combining, or discarding ideas as necessary. Once I know what kind of pace I’ll be setting and what I’ll be working on, I’ll be able to start laying out a new work rhythm and rework the Patreon to support that.

This is a pretty important turning point for everything that’s coming next, so please be sure to keep an eye out for it, and take some time to think about what really matters to you in my work! I’ve been slow to get these together for wanting to get them just right, but I’m hoping to have the next one out in about a week so we can move forward with all this. See you then!